My first CNY without grandma…

Sometimes when you think you are prepared for something that will be happened, you are not…my grandma was injured few weeks ago and when i visited her, she couldn’t move but just lied on the bed….since then i start to have the restless feeling…

Since i was a little kid, i lived with my grandparent in Sai Ying Pun, Sheung Wan. I am very close with my grandparent especially grandma…I remember that she woke up at 5am every day to take care of the whole family, and she was the most generous, selfless and tough person i ever know, i love her and respect her so much…

I always know i had the “fear” of losing my grandma, so i prayed to the above (i don’t know whom i prayed to, i just looked at the sky and prayed) when i was a kid. Whenever i knew grandma was sick, i prayed that i would rather to shorten my life in exchange of the good health for her. I believed that the above did listen to my praying several times, becos my grandma underwent several critical heart operation/situation, one time we rushed to the hospital and we thought she was going to leave few years ago but then she recovered.

Now my fear came true, i don’t know how to describe the feeling and my deep down sadness of losing someone that mean so much to me….I cried a lot on the day she left then these days my mind is calm, and occupied by my reminiscence of her. I lost motivation to do anything, especially until i knew her death could be avoided becoz the doctor made mistake of something….my family members are angry yet helpless while i feel the pain of my heart stopped all my emotion and i remain quiet…whatever we do or try to do, she is gone…

On 16 January, it was a cold night, I lost sleep coz I feel so restless and cold…until around 4 – 5am on 17 January, I suddenly feel so warm and then fell asleep, i woke up at 8am to prepare to work…
Its around 10am, I got my cousin’s message that my grandma is passed away at 5am on 17 January…

My mother didn’t want to tell me at first becoz she afraid the news would affect me and she also think its not good for us to tell our friends about the news near CNY, so i just told few of my close friends about it (to my great friends, thank you so much for all your caring n support, i love you all). I believe that not many people read my personal blog, i just want to write this for myself and grandma, and I also read back the post i wrote for my grandpa on 9 dec 2007, it seem just happened yesterday…

I believe i will meet my grandparent someday again and I hope grandma could meet grandpa in another World. RIP my beloved grandma, love you always.

We have so little time to say the things we mean.
We have so little time for any of it…
Cherish your loved ones….